Hey pals! Welcome back for our twelfth edition of #REAlationshipGoals. This one is going to get fun because we are diving into the good stuff: love and passion. A few months ago, we asked you all to submit questions and we got a lot of great ones, but the question we are tackling today (and expanding upon) totally resonated with us and it felt 100% relatable.
One beautiful reader in particular asked us how we keep things interesting in our relationships and keep from having nothing to talk about. Let’s be honest, when you’ve been together a while or just, like, get busy…it can be really easy to feel like there’s not much to talk about with your partner. You know everything about them and they know everything about you, so what is there to say? Dear reader, we hear you and we totally feel you.
We loved this question so much and we decided to take it a step further. We realize that the connection we share with our partners happens on more than just one level, so we broke it out into three facets: 1) communication (obviously), 2) passion, and 3) play. You can read part two right here! We’re talking about the passionate things. More specifically, how we keep the love and passion alive in our respective relationships. You can hop over to Sabrina’s blog to read our takes on communication with our guys and you can go to Lauren’s blog to see how we keep things fun in our relationships!
How do you keep the passion and love alive in your relationship?
This is so fun for me to think about because as I look back over the whole of our relationship, I see that our passion has grown so much. When Nick and I started dating, we were just kids. I wouldn’t kiss him for a very long time and I was awkward about even holding hands. So maybe we have an unfair advantage because obviously that left a lot of room for improvement! Ha! But from there to here, we’ve grown an incredible amount and the passion is very much alive. We are super affectionate and I sometimes worry it’s too much for other people. Our friends (jokingly) tell us to stop hugging and kissing so much. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The thing is, though, intimacy in a relationship is so much more than just the romantic (read: bedroom) stuff. For us (and maybe most couples), it starts with the small things. Nick and I keep the love alive by focusing on the little things every day. We start every morning with a kiss and send each other sweet text messages and say “I love you” (approximately 100 times) throughout every day. Some days we feel a little more or less mushy than others, of course, but we always make these things a priority. We also tell one another the things we love about each other, and often. You’d be surprised what this can do for your passion even on (or maybe especially on) days when you’re not thrilled with one another. Rehearsing the good in another person is an excellent reminder of what you love about them and can quickly lead to the warm and fuzzies. Try it.
One other thing that has really helped us connect in a loving way is reading the book
The Five Love Languages. I read it years ago (before we started dating) and have always used it to try to apply to all my relationships (not just romantic). We read it together a few years ago and still break it out sometimes. It really helped us hone in on how we each give and receive love. It helps us not only make sure we are giving love in a way that the other will receive, but also to pick up on when the other is sending love (even if it’s not how we want to receive it).
B and I have known each other since middle school. We dated previously. And now we’re a little over a year into our relationship. So that whole element of “newness” didn’t really apply to us. Now don’t get me wrong, I still get that butterfly feeling whenever I see Brandon. But like most relationships that make it over a few months, the passion and lust factors just aren’t as strong as they were on day one. And that’s okay! The things I love about B is that he’s just as affectionate as I am. We are that annoying couple that does PDA way too much and we probably kiss and call each other babe an annoying amount of times (just ask our friends). So I think it’s fair to say the love isn’t going anywhere.
Passion however is a different thing. I tell Brandon all the time I feel like an old married couple. (no offense Mae and Sabrina!) We aren’t even married but we have known each other for so long and are SO comfortable with each other. We also probably spend way too much time together. So every now and then I think it’s fair to say that the passion isn’t always present. Whenever I feel like we’re in a little bit of a lull, I love planning a romantic date night. Getting dressed up, trying a new intimate restaurant or lounge and devouring a bottle of wine can do a lot of good…especially when you get home that night (wink wink). I’m also a huge fan of livening things up in the bedroom. I won’t get too graphic or go too much into detail – but girls, don’t be afraid to try new things, ask bae what he might want to try, get some new lingerie, etc. Don’t feel pressured to be something you’re not – but have fun with the intimacy between the two of you! Having those honest conversations with #FashionablyBae definitely help us whenever things might start to get a little vanilla or lackluster.
Pro Tip: do NOT go see Fifty Shades Darker.
Love & Passion – two of my favorite things. When we were younger, I used to tell Sahir that he didn’t show affection as much as I did and I took it defensively. Getting to a point where we are both comfortable with the passion (both in public and privately) took time. I would say that the most important thing is to communicate openly and honestly about your expectations.
Now that we are married, Sahir and I focus on the intimate details rather than big grand gestures. We set our alarms 20 minutes earlier than we need to, just so we have morning snuggle time built in (so sappy, I know) and when 20 minutes turns to 30, he will get mad at me and tell me that I make him late every morning. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sahir usually comes home after me so when he walks in, I greet him at the door after he calls out to me “Wifeee, where are you?” (usually right there on the couch) – it’s become a household joke now. Think of it as our very own “Lucyyy I’m home” Our little rituals are what make everyday special. Remember that intimacy is important in and out of the bedroom.