#REALationshipGoals | Fight Club
Well, guys, here we are, ten posts in. We’ve been having so much fun with this little series we have going on and we have so much fun coming up with post ideas for you guys every other week. That’s why we were so thrilled to get some feedback from you all during our current giveaway. We’ve gotten lots of great questions, so thank you so much to everyone who contributed!
We received so many great questions, so we decided to dig a little deeper and break the questions out into different blog posts and tackle them that way. We know we aren’t experts, but we each have a different perspective on relationships and handle things differently in our respective relationships. It means a lot to us that you all care to hear these perspectives. Even though our giveaway has ended, you are ALWAYS welcome to submit questions via comments, social media, or email if that’s your style.
In today’s post, we are taking one of the topics we got asked about most, fights. Specifically, how we handle them. We are going to try to tackle the dreaded art of arguing and, this week, we decided to mix it up and share our posts a little differently. We’ve broken the art of #FightNight out into three sections: before the fight, during the fight, and after the fight. On Sabrina’s blog, we’re starting with what we do to deal with fights before they happen , then you’ll want to head over to Lauren’s to read about what goes down during our fights with our SOs, and then we’ll meet right back here to talk about the most important thing of all, the after-fights and how to avoid them in the future.
After a fight, kiss and make-up? …
Mae: Honestly, I guess this depends on how serious the fight is. I’d love to say that I can just snap back after an argument, but fights (especially big ones) sit with me for a while. I hate fighting and if I’m feeling particularly hurt by an argument, I tend to dwell on it, even if we resolve things like the adults we are. Nick, on the other hand, snaps back lickety-split. He forgives and moves on rather than sitting with everything I said and analyzing what I meant. If you’ve already read my portion on Sabrina and Lauren‘s blogs, then you know that Nick and I try to practice the “we’re fighting now, but we’re still best friends” mentality before and during every fight. Nick really practices it after, too, and I sometimes need a minute. If I had a dollar for every time he has tried to hug or kiss me some time later after a fight and I’ve met him with a swift “talk to the hand” and a “woah, buddy, how are you gonna pretend like we weren’t just being nasty to each other?”, I’d be rich. Even though I take some time after a big fight, Nick and I both agree to never go to sleep angry. You’ve heard this advice before, I’m sure, but we take it seriously. We don’t sleep in separate beds or go to bed without kisses, cuddles, and an “I love you.” For how much I hate fighting, I have to say that it is pretty cool the healing that takes place afterward. Plus, you know, all the make-up stuff…
Lauren: I literally don’t know how to hold a grudge. Never have, probably never will. I forgive extremely easily whether it’s a friend, faux or #FashionablyBae. I just can’t hold onto things like that. So after an argument, I just want things to get back to normal. B is the opposite. He usually needs time to cool off and then the next day, everything is good. So we’re currently working through a combination of both that works best for us. Sometimes my emotional tendencies (yes I’m a cry-baby) draw things out way too far but I’m trying to work harder at letting things go faster so we can get to the making up sooner 🙂
Sabrina: One of the hardest things for me is to move on from a fight. It’s amazing how resilient my husband is though. You would think nothing happened between us two minutes ago. Figuring out how to move on from a fight is challenging no matter who is involved. It’s taken Sahir and I years to develop our dynamic and it’s always changing. I will say that the way we handle fights is pretty reflective of what we saw growing up. As a child a divorce, I thought that a fight-to-the-death mentality was normal and a completely appropriate reaction to any and all fights. Sahir on the other hand, never saw his parents argue — no really, never. While this sounded great in theory, it led to him completely avoiding fights and pretending like nothing happened. Not cool bruh. Try to learn something from every time you fight, if you are in it for the long run you’ve need the experience.